Elizabeth Tikvah Sarah

Gay-Lesbian Kiddushin

[German]

It has only been in the last three decades of the twentieth century that lesbian and gay life has become more visible - in the western world at least.  And as same-sex relationships have emerged from the shadows, so increasing numbers of lesbian and gay couples today are choosing to lay claim to the public recognition of their commitment to one another (See Balka and Rose, 1989, Berner and Primack, 1994, Butler, 1990, Elwell, 1998, Martinac, 1998, Sarah 2000a, 2000b, Sherman, 1992, Smith and Saxe 1991).

The context for this development is important.  One of the consequences of the transformation of gender roles in the last thirty years, is that heterosexual marriages have been changing.  In fact, in a sense, the differences between heterosexual marriages today and those which pre-date feminism are as great as the differences which differentiate heterosexual unions from homosexual ones.  Indeed, the differences have become so immense that one could argue that many heterosexual ‘marriages’ today no longer ‘fit’ neatly into the concept of marriage promulgated by religious institutions and the State.  What is more, marriage is not only changing, it is becoming much less prevalent.  In a climate when fewer and fewer heterosexuals are getting ‘married’, the notion of ‘marriage’ as a choice defined by those who choose it, rather than as an inevitable state of  existence for all heterosexual adults, is becoming more and more significant.  And it is in this climate, that we have witnessed the emergence of lesbian and gay marriage.

Of course, not all lesbian and gay people are choosing to get married.  Indeed, for some it is important that lesbians and gay men live differently and do not become embroiled in a heterosexual institution.  This view, of course, suits the heterosexual critics who see marriage as their exclusive prerogative, an eternal sign of the superior status of heterosexual relationships.  The traditional rationale for Jewish marriage (Kiddushin) as the exclusive prerogative of heterosexual couples, is rooted in the understanding that humanity was made in two forms, male and female, in order that these two forms might re-unite for the purposes of reproduction and companionship.  This bi-polar reading which focuses on the anatomical distinction between the sexes as delineated in the first Creation story, where the words male (zachar) and female (nekeivah) are used (Genesis 1: 27), ignores the implications of the fact that both male and female are created as two aspects of a singular human being (Adam) ‘in the image of God’ (1:27), and that in the second creation story the similarity between the two sexes is underlined with the use of the words woman, ishah, and man, ish, both of which derive from the same root, Alef, Nun, Shin - meaning, to be human (2: 23) (Sarah, 1992).

While the Jewish concept of holiness, Kedushah, is bound up with the notion of making separations, and this is reflected in the Betrothal ritual  (Erusin - Kiddushin) in which the bride is set apart for the groom, the marriage service as a whole is actually quite paradoxical:  While the bride is consecrated to the groom in the first section of the ceremony in which the difference between them is emphasised; they are joined together in the singular image of humanity (Adam) in Eden in the Seven Blessings (Sheva Berachot), which are recited in the second section of the ceremony.

Humanity is both one and differentiated.  While the Creation narratives posit differentiation simply in bi-polar terms, it is becoming increasingly evident that the differences within humanity are much more complex.  Same-sex couples may share the same gender, but may express that gender differently, and indeed, be different from one another in a host of ways.  Heterosexual couples may be divided by the outward ‘signs’ of gender, but share a similar disposition and way of being in the world.  A ceremony that acknowledges the ways in which the individuals concerned are different from one another, ritualises their consecration to one another, and celebrates their union, is equally relevant for all couples.  A Jewish marriage ceremony that includes these elements is Kiddushin.

Not only is it possible to re-define Kiddushin in such a way that includes the sanctification and celebration of same-sex unions - but that's what's actually happening.  The reality is that many lesbian and gay Jews, along with other lesbian and gay couples, are choosing to formalise and celebrate their commitment to one another.  The time has come for the religious institutions and the State to acknowledge this reality positively by expanding their understandings of ‘marriage’ to embrace same-sex relationships.

References

• Balka, Christie and Andy Rose. 1989.  Twice Blessed.  On Being Lesbian, Gay and Jewish.      Beacon Press.

• Berner, Leila Gal and Renee Gal Primack.  1994.  'Lesbian and Gay Commitment Ceremonies.'            In Debra Orenstein, ed., Life Cycles.  Jewish Women on Life Passages and Personal         Milestones.  Jewish Lights Publishing.

• Butler, Becky.  1990.  Ceremonies of the Heart.  Celebrating Lesbian Unions.  Seal Press.

• Elwell, Sue Levi.  1998.  'Honor the Holiness of Lesbian and Gay Marriages.'  Reform Judaism.              Winter.

• Gilbert, Beth.  1996.  'Gays and Lesbians under the Chuppah.'  Reform Judaism.  Summer.

• Martinac, Paula.  1998.  The Lesbian and Gay Book of Love and Marriage.  Broadway Books.

• Sarah, Elizabeth.  1992.  'The Biblical Account of the First Woman:  A Jewish Feminist     Perspective.'  In Teresa Elwes, ed., Women's Voices.  Essays in Contemporary Feminist   Theology.  HarperCollins.

• Sarah, Elizabeth Tikvah.  2000a.  'Our Jewish Wedding.'  In Sylvia Rothschild and Sybil    Sheridan, eds., Taking Up the Timbrel.  The Challenge of Creating Ritual for Jewish          Women Today.  SCM Press.

• Sarah, Elizabeth Tikvah.  2000b.  '"Marriage" by Any Other Name:  Lesbian and Gay        "Commitment Ceremonies".'  In Sylvia Rothschild and Sybil Sheridan, eds. (ibid.).

• Sherman, Suzanne.   1992.  Lesbian and Gay Marriages.  Temple University Press.

• Smith, Moon and Susan Saxe.  1991.  'A Commitment Celebration.'  In Elizabeth Resnick Levine, ed., A Ceremonies Sampler.  New Rites, Celebrations and Observances of Jewish        Women.  Woman's Institute for Continuing Jewish Education, San Diego, CA.

Rabbi Elizabeth Tikvah Sarah is currently a part-time lecturer and rabbinic tutor at the Leo Baeck College, where she also chairs the Rabbinic In-Service Training Team, and a part-time minister of the Brighton and Hove Progressive Synagogue. Published widely.